151 days

1. new trip to the used bookstore, currently reading: Orlando (Virginia Woolf), The Woodlanders (Thomas Hardy), Meditations in an Emergency (Frank O'Hara), Sorry, Tree (Eileen Myles). Spending all of my Saturday reading and skyping with @twcwar.
2. rough week at school, had 2 confrontations in the low-level classes I essentially teach alone, the classes where the co-teacher thinks that me being there means he doesn't have to come. Stopped playing games in Robot Electronics because everyone was screaming and cheating, made them study silently for the rest of class and take a quiz at the end. Had a power struggle with 1 kid in Digital Electronics who completely ignored me every time I talked to him or asked him to do something, who was gambling in the back of the classroom while the rest of the class was writing about their families. He kept pretending he didn't understand me whether I was speaking in English or Korean, just ignoring my existence, to the point where I wasn't actual able to deal with him anymore. Thankfully, it was nearly the end of class by that point, so I made him follow me to the teachers' office and enlisted my co-teachers' help to discipline him. (hashtag: reasons i shouldn't be in a classroom without a Korean co-teacher, reasons I have problems with language immersion education in a non-adult setting)
3. but then, one of my graduated students, Park Sun-Woo, came back to visit me. The graduated students come back occasionally, and I chat with them, but they always come to visit other teachers and to give them presents. This was the first time someone's come back to visit me, and he gave me a huge case of fruit juices to distribute to my department (which is the thing to do) and it made me happy. Thankfully, it happened Friday afternoon, after all the drama of the week, so I started my weekend on a cheerful note. Park Sun-Woo was the cutest and the best and the hardest-working student ever, and now he has a real job making machines.
4. Got my CELTA certificate in the mail yesterday, time to start annoying the Office of Education to give me a raise.
5. Got my after school attendance list for this semester yesterday, it's like 50% shy girls and 25% smart confident girls and 25% boys. Should be weird to have a majority of girls when I've gotten so accustomed to teaching classes that are 90% boys.

digital perm

Infinite - Nothing's Over

larva?

singing.

with poop, about poop. (of the poop by the poop for the poop)

The chorus (변비싫어 쾌변좋아!) means "I hate constipation! I like being regular!" (or something).

opening ceremony of hiking in the year of the rabbit:

pray for safety on the mountain

bow individually

bow together

drink when your elders tell you to

see that pot the man in the red hat is holding? that's full of rice wine. we shared.

Song Ji Eun - Are You Crazy (미친거니)

Korean dating culture: Have you finally figured out that stalker behavior is creepy, not romantic?

No. This video is too confused about who is crazy and who is the "good" example of love to know what it's saying about dating behavior.

164 days

Looks like I may have decided to leave Korea at the same time that my welcome could be expiring anyway. Reports are coming from multiple sources in my life that 2010 was the year with the most Native Speaking English Teachers (NSETs) in public schools in Korea, and that from now the number of NSETs will be gradually reduced.

Which is not to say that there won't still be a huge market for untrained, inexperienced native English speakers to get jobs in the private teaching sector in Korea. English fever is not over here. But the new Education Minister doesn't seem to think that untrained, inexperienced NSETs are very effective in the classroom, and I can't say I disagree (though I do disagree with some of the new Minister's educational philosophies). The "Native Speaker" requirement is overvalued in many countries in my opinion, and many people don't seem to realize that a highly-trained, fluent or near-fluent non-native speaker would be a far more effective teacher than a just-graduated, untrained native English speaker looking for a gap year.

The old Education Minister had some progressive ideas (which may or may not have been effective had they been given proper funding and the chance to play out in the long-term). He wanted more English teachers (including NSETs) and smaller, level-based classes. The new Minister, Lee Ju-Ho, thinks small, level-based classes are ineffective, and also it's totally fine to just increase teacher workloads instead of hiring more teachers. As though Korean teachers aren't already overworked enough. Interestingly, he's also in favor of "art-focused" after school classes, which may result in me teaching an after school knitting class this semester. The man is a mystery.

But I can't say I disapprove of his decision to oust NSETs. I hope I've become an effective teacher over the course of these 2 years, but I definitely wasn't to begin with. Besides that, even NSETs who are effective aren't able (or willing) to cater to the Korean educational system, which doesn't value actual communication in English - only values high test scores. The motivation of even my most motivated students is not to become fluent in English, but to get a high 수능 score so they can go to a 4-year university. How can I help them with that? It's impossible for me to teach a 수능 prep class, I'll never be qualified for that. And if I can't help them with their purpose for learning English, what's the point of them taking my class?

I've never felt very useful at my high school (though I have loved it, and it has loved me back), and now the Education Minister doesn't think I'm useful either. I will never have the power to change the test-based motivations of the entire Korean educational system. Time to try something new. Time to teach adults in a mining town in Northern Chile.

169 days

A 1st-grade computer graphics student drew a picture of me.

views from my apartment / flowers of the Lunar New Year in Saigon,

taken with the limited power of my cell phone.

even after all that i still caught myself putting my students on the spotlight,

making my classroom an unsafe place for them. Despite how much I hate that when I am a student.

School continues to happen, and I think I've finally found a way of preparing for my classes that doesn't make the classroom computer into my adversary.

We had a writing class today (kind of). Highlights include:

• "fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you"
• "My favorite is you. (lie)"

Taught my old, old 1st graders (the first 1st graders I ever had) for the first time in a long time today, they're 3rd graders now. It was fun to see their funny faces, fun to see how they've changed in some ways and stayed the same in others. One quiet student who's always been something of an outcast to his peers (came from an abusive home, used to be bullied a lot at school, used to carry a knife with him all the time in his backpack for self defense, never seemed to respond to anything I could ever say to him in 1st grade) is still quiet, but seeks information from me in a quiet way that he never did before. It seems like he has more confidence now. We seemed to be on the same page today, I like it when that happens.

I like having Park Mi-Ran back in my department - the head of my department, right in front of me, and I feel comfortable with that. She's so funny, makes comments about how my head keeps popping up and down over the barrier between us, says "It's nice to see you once in a while." We laugh together all the time now. Maybe this level of comfort with my school would have eventually come anyway, even if the immovable force had continued to dominate my life way back when.

Had my first class with my new male co-teacher today - he's very nice and understands (and possibly speaks) English very well; we haven't had a single miscommunication yet, which is something. Class was ok, but I don't think we discussed our roles enough beforehand, because he just stood there and hardly said anything, didn't seem to feel comfortable inserting himself into my class. I'm just so used to taking an authoritative role, I'm afraid I pushed him to the sidelines, maybe the same way that I used to feel pushed to the sidelines by Park Mi-Ran in the old days. Maybe I'll buy him a cake and tell him how good his English is and to please make himself at home in my classroom. I've already discovered I need to get stricter with discipline with the 3rd grade Robot Electronics students than I've ever been before, and it would sure be nice to have someone to help me enforce that. SO ROWDY. Hopefully me and Lee Sang-Chul Teacher work our way into the lovely teaching groove that I have with the rest of my co-teachers.

Skipping meditation, 힘이 없어. Classes were a little rough on me today, but I feel a little optimistic about this semester anyway. It's the dead silent classes that sink my energy the most, but 1st graders are always dead silent the first week. The rowdy 3rd graders were a relief - even though it's been ages since we were together, good to know I have students I can laugh and goof around with, who react with energy when I enter the classroom.

175 days

the new semester starts tomorrow, the immovable force called me twice yesterday but I didn't answer because my phone battery was dead because no one ever calls me in korea. cleaned my kitchen spotless for the first time in maybe 2-3 months, finally - but the rest of my apartment is still squalor. just the dishes took me 2 hours. i keep on cataloguing the things i'm not going to bring back to the u.s. with me, things i'm going to bag and box and have the salvation army pick up probably the week before i leave. i've hardly eaten anything but ramen since i got off the plane and then the bus over a week ago. i'm looking forward to school lunches for a change, they always serve ggakdugi and i've been craving ggakdugi for forever.

i can't be bothered to do anything (get a new alien registration card, go to the bank to transfer money, pick up my dry cleaning). this is the demotivation i wanted to get rid of with my vacation and vietnam and the celta, and i thought i had (i had! for those 5 weeks, i was really motivated!) but now that i'm back in korea nothing seems important anymore. whine, whine, whine. i wish my happiness was more self-centered and less dependent on my environment.