today is a guilt-ridden day

I feel guilty about making the decision to once more not visit the U.S. this upcoming winter vacation, which means you all have to wait until the end of my contract to see me. I feel guilty about the fact that I'm going to miss my 3rd graders' graduation day this February. I also feel guilty about announcing my prospective departure from Korea to I Young-Gyung, who is almost always the first person in Korea to know anything about me.

First, the reason why I won't be coming to Michigan during my 5-week vacation this Jan/Feb: I'm taking the Cambridge CELTA (Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults) course in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam. This is something I've been wanting to do almost since I started teaching last September, but the timing never worked. This time, I've finally found a program within a reasonable distance of Korea with timing that corresponds with my vacation time, and because of the extra vacation days I received as a contract renewal bonus, I am able to take off the length of time required. For anyone that doesn't know, taking the CELTA will be a huge help in improving my teaching methods (within a short and intense period of time) and in finding a job teaching English in almost any country around the world.

All of that is the reason I'll miss the 3rd graders' graduation day, since graduation falls right in the middle of my planned vacation. I'm hoping I can hold a congratulations party on their last day of class with me instead. I'll miss them.

And finally, I feel guilt towards I Young-Gyung and many other teachers at my school because I love them so much and will miss them so much and because they want me to stay so much and will be so sad when I leave next August. And yes, I do think I'm confident enough to say "when I leave next August" now. I posted a few days ago about my conflict over whether to leave or not, but frankly, part of my hesitation that I didn't mention was a reluctance to leave the comfortable job that is helping me greatly in paying off my student loans. Part of my fear of coming back to Michigan for any length of time is not being able to find a job; part of my obsession with finding a job is that the idea of not having steady income to make my loan payments scares me. Part of the reason I was considering staying in Korea for a third year is that it would have guaranteed the disappearance of all of my loans.

But that reason for my hesitation changed when I checked the balance on my now-largest student loan a few days ago and found a huge, sudden, and unexpected deposit from my parents which may enable me to finish out my current contract with all my loans payed off, and possibly with one or two thousand dollars to spare. (Thanks for that, parents.)

What that all means is that (noting that there are still 9 months to go before such a time comes to pass and that I change my mind frequently) I think I'm leaving my job here after my current contract, and coming back to Michigan for a period of time to visit my family and friends after 2 years. I don't think I'll be looking to get a job there, though I might decide to consider jobs in the U.S. - I think my general plan would be to take a rest for a few months and see what the job market is like in other places I'm interested in going. Chile is one of these places, so is Vietnam. So is Portland. We'll have to see.

Anyway, this post is to tell you that while you can't expect to see me this winter, you can expect my tentative return at the end of next August. If you've been wondering what's going on with North Korea through all of this, your guess is as good as mine. It's not even a topic of conversation in Seoul. Life proceeds as normal.