I'm going to Jeju. I'm not going to Jeju. I am going somewhere. (I have no idea where I'm going.)
I am not climbing the tallest mountain in Korea. Will I climb the second-tallest mountain in Korea? Maybe I'll just climb Gwanak-san. I can't even depend on myself for simple things (like getting on the airplane) anymore.
For the duration of last year I was mainly content to stay in Seoul all the time and not in a hurry to see the rest of Korea, I think because I had no definite plans of leaving. But if I don't re-sign another contract (and I don't think I will) then that means I have 11 months left in Korea. I want to travel, I want to climb all the mountains and swim at all the beaches and visit all the hot springs.
But who will travel with me? Because the problem is that I cannot be relied upon to follow through on anything unless there is someone doing it with me. It doesn't matter how simple the plan is, how easy to carry out, or even how many reservations I've made. It's a proven and time-tested fact that I will wake up on the morning of the deadline and slowly burgeon into a panic-attack, during which I will cancel everything and go back to sleep. Never underestimate my social anxieties.
Which is all to say: I am not normal and cannot interact with people normally or make friends normally and I hate that about myself.
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